Parenting Harmony: How to Optimize Time with Your Baby and Toddler
As a new parent, it’s easy to forget that your little ones won’t be little forever. Between diaper changes, nighttime wakeup calls, and occasional tantrums, it can be tricky to factor in precious play and bonding time. This may feel especially difficult if you have both a baby and a toddler to look after.
When a new family member arrives, it’s normal for older sibling(s) to feel a little disoriented or upset by the change in parenting dynamics. After all, much of your attention will inevitably be spent on caring for your newborn’s needs, as toddlers don’t require quite as much support. To make things even tougher, you may need a few weeks of rest to recover from the birth. Juggling these responsibilities is tricky for everyone, but even trickier for the superhero single parents going at it alone.
While these challenges may feel overwhelming, we have complete faith that you’ll be able to strike a balance between caring for your newborn and your toddler. As well as strengthening your bond with each of your children, finding time to play and relax with your baby and toddler will improve their sibling relationship. In the long term, this could make your home much calmer and improve the whole family’s quality of life!
So, how can you approach this juggling act? The good news is there are plenty of strategies to ensure all your children enjoy the attention they deserve. And of course, life’s milestones often catch up with us in the blink of an eye. There’s no time like the present to make the most of your little ones’ first years!
Tips for achieving parenting harmony
Parenting harmony is a simple concept describing a state in which both your baby and toddler (or however many children you may have!) receive the love and attention they crave. At the same time, parenting harmony also requires the parent to look after themselves to combat stress and burnout. While this may sound like a tall order, the following tips can help put you on the right track:
1. Prepare your toddler for the new arrival
You’ll probably be pretty excited to announce your pregnancy to your little one. After all, there’s nothing more exciting than finding out about a new sibling and future playmate. However, it’s important to prepare your toddler for the realities of being an older brother or sister. Make sure your initial conversations cover the following:
- Age-appropriate discussions about pregnancy: First off, your pregnancy is likely to encourage a few curious questions from your little one. While there’s no need to provide full details, an age-appropriate conversation about pregnancy can help prevent confusion and anger at the new arrival. Plus, they’ll probably be interested in finding out how they started life! If you’re struggling to find the right words, there are plenty of books and videos out there to introduce toddlers and young children to difficult topics.
- Their feelings and concerns: If your toddler tends to bottle things up, encourage them to talk about their feelings surrounding the prospect of a new sibling. In doing so, you can support them through any difficult emotions and offer reassurance. At the same time, you’ll teach your little one about the benefits of opening up.
- Potential changes to routine: Newborn babies often disrupt established family routines, including mealtimes, bedtimes, bath times, and more. It’s a good idea to let your toddler know that things will change so they don’t feel too disoriented when the time comes.
- The joys of becoming a big brother or sister: As everyone with younger siblings knows, the role of the older brother or sister is fun, unpredictable, and precious. Remind your little one of the important role they will play in their younger sibling’s life and how much fun they’ll eventually have with a new playmate. This makes your toddler feel needed, and like they still have an important and established role in the family. Giving your toddler this “job” tells them that no matter what, they are an integral and irreplaceable part of your family.
2. Allow your toddler to help with preparations
Allowing your toddler to help with baby preparations will give them a sense of responsibility and solidify your family unit. In the days leading up to the birth, allow your child to help with things like choosing baby clothes or setting up the baby’s room. You could also incorporate caregiving practice into playtime, demonstrating how to hold a baby or change a diaper using stuffed animals. When the newborn arrives, they may want to get involved with caring for their sibling’s needs — under close supervision, of course!
3. Avoid blaming the baby
If your toddler feels a little frustrated by the amount of attention their sibling receives, try to avoid blaming the baby. Rather than emphasizing how much care your newborn requires, reassure your toddler that they are loved and that you will spend some special time together very soon. This approach will ensure you don’t increase your toddler’s resentment toward their sibling.
4. Avoid blaming yourself
Equally, don’t blame yourself for issues that arise during the first months of your baby’s life! Things will go a little wrong at some point (we’ve been there!). Cutting yourself some slack will give you the strength to look after all your children and provide the support they need to thrive.
5. Share the load
If you’re parenting alongside a partner, sharing responsibilities will ensure both children’s needs are met (and that your relationship remains intact!). Mothers recovering from delivery need sleep and rest, so supportive partners should take on as much of the load as they can during the first few months. If you’re a single parent or you and your partner need to work, try outsourcing help from family or friends. In many cases, a doting grandparent will happily offer a helping hand and keep the peace between your little ones. If your family members are unavailable, it may be worth hiring a nanny.
6. Treat both children equally
While your newborn will require different forms of care from their sibling, try to treat both children equally as they grow up. You may feel tempted to praise your older child for being particularly smart or capable to make up for all the attention you’ve been paying your newborn. However, this could create a competitive dynamic between the siblings and create problems in the long term.
Similarly, try to avoid treating your children differently based on their gender. Social norms teach us to treat babies in a gendered way from the moment they’re born. For example, you and your family may be more inclined to comment on the prettiness of a baby girl. Boys, on the other hand, are often praised for their size, strength, and intelligence. While these comments may seem harmless, they could limit your child’s opportunities for growth and self-expression in the long term. If your children are of different genders, they may feel distressed by the different treatment their sibling receives.
7. Be flexible with schedules
There’s no way around it — the arrival of a newborn baby will disrupt your established routine. You’ll need to factor in nighttime feeds, bouts of crying, diaper changes, and other care responsibilities, making everyday planning very tricky. While this may sound stressful — particularly for those of us with Type A personalities -– learning how to be flexible could make the parenting experience much more enjoyable and help you provide both children with the attention they crave. Here are a few tips for those struggling to let go of their strict schedule:
- Prioritize: Identify your core priorities for both children and give yourself the time to fulfill them. Then, you can slot optional activities into your schedule whenever you get a moment.
- Incorporate buffer time into your plans: Allowing extra time between appointments will lower stress levels and prevent you from getting too frustrated with your children. As you’ll know, young children are prone to unexpected delays. Whether they’ve accidentally knocked over your favorite vase or refuse to wear their brand-new coat, giving yourself some breathing space will help you deal with these issues calmly and effectively.
- Communicate, communicate, communicate: Treat your family’s schedule as a team project. As well as taking the load off a single parent, this approach will prevent feelings of resentment and help you accomplish the day’s most important tasks. Keep communication lines open, and remember to include your toddler in discussions.
- Embrace uncertainty: Remember that adjustments are one of life’s inevitabilities. Letting go of the need for order will help you cope with the psychological strain of change.
8. Nurture sibling bonding
It’s impossible to predict how your toddler will feel when their new sibling comes home. While some children will feel instant affection toward new babies, others may feel a little wary or suspicious. Fortunately, it’s possible to nurture sibling bonds from a young age and improve household harmony. Here are a few tips:
- Talk about everyone’s feelings: Talking about your feelings, the baby’s feelings, and opening up the floor so your toddler can talk about their own feelings will teach your toddler empathy and help them treat their sibling as a member of the family.
- Praise your toddler’s positive interactions with their sibling: Provide positive feedback whenever your toddler engages in kind or gentle behaviors with their sibling.
- Encourage sibling playtime from a young age: While very young babies may seem a little boring to their siblings, you can start involving them in age-appropriate play after a few months. Involving both your baby and toddler in story time or gentle play activities will provide bonding opportunities and encourage them to cooperate. In the long term, this could provide you with quieter, less hectic days when they’re old enough to play together unsupervised!
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Address sibling rivalries head-on: If your toddler is constantly comparing themselves to their sibling, they may feel like they’re competing for your love and affection. Rather than indulge their comparisons, tackle the problem head-on — remind your children that you love them all equally, both through your words and actions. This could involve taking your toddler out for a one-on-one ice cream date during a week particularly dominated by baby-care, or taking extra care to listen to the things your toddler is interested in lately. This is a lifelong process, and it’s helpful to learn early how each of your children best receive love.
Finally, it’s also crucial you remember that sibling relationships shift over time. While your toddler may struggle to bond with their younger sibling as an infant, it’s impossible to predict what their relationship will look like in five, ten, or twenty years. If your toddler throws a few tantrums about the new arrival, try not to worry. They could soon become best friends!
9. Enjoy everyday moments
It’s easy to forget about the joys of raising small children when you’re worrying about your baby’s next feed or who will take your toddler to their next playdate. However, reminding yourself of the beauty of everyday moments will boost your mental health and motivate you to organize bonding activities with your children. You could include your toddler in your daily routine by involving them in food prep or household chores. Similarly, involving your toddler in your baby’s milestones — their first crawl, smile, or word — is a special way of nurturing family togetherness and making warm memories.
10. Find time for yourself
Last but not least, finding time to care for yourself is vital for preventing burnout and ensuring you’re the best parent possible for your baby and toddler. We know self-care can be a tall order at the best of times, but there are simple ways you can boost your mental and physical health, such as:
- Seeking help from family and friends.
- Using technology to stay connected with friends and loved ones.
- Trying out a baby carrier or sling so you can read, exercise, or engage in your favorite hobby while caring for your baby.
- Communicate your struggles with loved ones or your partner.
- Treat yourself every so often. You deserve it!
Feeling inspired to achieve parental harmony? Share our tips with friends!
While caring for two very young children can be challenging, it’s also a special stage full of love and first-times. We hope our tips help you make the most of your little ones’ early years and maintain a (relatively!) peaceful household.
If your friends are in a similar position — or trying for another baby — don’t forget to spread the word and share this article on your socials. Trust us — they’ll thank you later!
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